How to Win or Lose a Sale at Hello: The Science of Sales Resistance and Disarming Prospects

TL;DR

• You win or lose sales at the very beginning of conversations, not during closing attempts
• Predictable questions like "How's your day?" create instant sales resistance and trigger defensive responses
• Following up within 5 minutes of initial contact increases conversion by 9x, but only if you avoid resistance-triggering patterns
• Your tonality represents 70% of communication effectiveness - how you say things matters more than what you say
• Five specific tonality types (curious, confused, challenging, concerned, and assumptive) can disarm prospects and increase sales
• Sales resistance occurs when prospects' nervous systems activate fight-or-flight responses to perceived threats
• Disarming prospects by calming their nervous system is essential since humans buy 100% on emotion, not logic

What is Sales Resistance? Sales resistance is the psychological and physiological defensive response prospects exhibit when they perceive a salesperson as a threat to their autonomy or decision-making process. This resistance manifests as vague answers, objections, and emotional barriers that prevent genuine communication and trust-building. — Jeremy Miner

The Hidden Psychology Behind Sales Failure (Why Most Salespeople Lose Before They Even Start)

Following up within 5 minutes of initial contact increases conversion by 9x according to the Lead Response Management Study, but according to Jeremy Miner, most salespeople sabotage this advantage within seconds of first contact.

"You can win or lose a sale at a low. Most salespeople believe that you actually win or lose a deal when you try to close and either say yes or no. I'm gonna make a suggestion that it actually starts from the very beginning of that conversation," explains Jeremy Miner, drawing from his background in neuropsychology and years of sales training experience.

The fundamental problem plaguing sales professionals isn't their closing techniques, product knowledge, or even their lead quality. It's their complete misunderstanding of how human psychology works in the first moments of interaction. When prospects encounter typical sales approaches, their brains immediately activate survival mechanisms designed to protect them from perceived threats.

This phenomenon occurs because salespeople are viewed as low status in society, and prospects have been conditioned through countless negative experiences to expect manipulation, pressure, and insincerity. The moment a prospect's brain recognizes familiar sales patterns, the amygdala triggers a fight-or-flight response that creates what Miner calls "sales resistance" - a psychological barrier that makes selling exponentially more difficult.

"When that guard goes up, that's sales resistance. And now, unfortunately, you have to compete against that sales resistance to get the guard down the rest of the conversation," Miner notes. This resistance isn't just a minor inconvenience - it fundamentally changes how prospects process information, respond to questions, and make decisions throughout the entire sales conversation.

Key Insight:

Sales resistance is triggered within the first 10 seconds of contact and creates a psychological wall that persists throughout the entire sales process unless deliberately dismantled.

The Predictable Question Trap That Destroys Sales Conversations

In Jeremy Miner's experience, the primary trigger for sales resistance comes from what he terms "predictable questions" - the standard inquiries that every salesperson has been taught to ask but that immediately signal sales intent to prospects.

These predictable questions include seemingly harmless conversation starters like "How's your day going?" "How's the weather?" and "Are you the homeowner?" While these questions might seem polite or professional, they actually serve as red flags that alert prospects to incoming sales pressure.

"Think about questions that salespeople that try to sell you anything typically ask you," Miner explains. "Hey, how's it going today? That would be one, right? So that's a very predictable question. How's it going? As a consumer do you genuinely believe that that person gives a damn about how your day's going? No you don't."

The problem with predictable questions extends beyond their obviousness - they fundamentally misunderstand human communication patterns. When prospects hear these familiar phrases, their brains automatically categorize the speaker as "just another salesperson" trying to manipulate them into a purchase. This categorization happens subconsciously and instantaneously, creating resistance before any actual sales conversation can begin.

Here's how different sales scenarios trigger this resistance pattern:

Sales Context	Predictable Question	Prospect's Internal Response	Resistance Level
Door-to-door	"Are you the homeowner?"	"Here comes a sales pitch"	High
Phone sales	"How's the weather there?"	"Telemarketer detected"	Very High
Virtual meetings	"How's your day going?"	"Fake pleasantries incoming"	Medium
Retail encounters	"Can I help you find something?"	"Avoid at all costs"	High

The solution isn't to eliminate all opening questions, but to understand that trust and credibility must be established before certain types of inquiries can be made effectively. "It doesn't mean you can't ask these questions as you get into the conversation and you build trust and credibility after you build a gap. But right out of the go," Miner clarifies, these predictable approaches create unnecessary obstacles.

The Neuropsychology of Sales: Why Tonality Trumps Everything

According to Jeremy Miner, who studied neuropsychology before entering sales, the way you say something carries far more weight than the actual words you use. This isn't just sales theory - it's backed by brain science that reveals how humans actually process communication.

"Your tone is how the prospect interprets your intention behind everything you say and ask," Miner explains. "That's how you interpret the meaning behind what you're asking, the meaning behind your questions."

The traditional belief that 93% of communication is nonverbal has been updated by modern research, but the principle remains crucial. Current studies suggest that approximately 70% of communication effectiveness comes from tonality and body language, while only 30% comes from actual words. This means that even perfect sales scripts fail when delivered with the wrong tonality.

Miner illustrates this concept with a powerful example: "Let's say that you're going across the street and you hear somebody scream, yelling like just they just yell what instantly do you do you're like this you you instantly move right that's fight or flight response you're instantly reacting that's your survival part of your brain you don't even know what was said you just heard the sound the tone sounded bad."

This example demonstrates how the human nervous system responds to tonality before words are even processed. The survival part of the brain (amygdala) reacts immediately to tonal patterns, triggering physiological responses that either calm or agitate the listener.

Three common tonality mistakes that trigger sales resistance:

• Way Too Excited: Coming across as overly enthusiastic reminds prospects of stereotypical "slick" salespeople and immediately raises suspicion
• Timid or Nervous: Projecting uncertainty signals inexperience and lack of expertise, undermining credibility
• Monotone: Speaking in a flat, scripted manner resembles telemarketers and triggers automatic rejection responses

How to Master the Five Tonality Types That Disarm Prospects

Jeremy Miner has identified five specific tonality types that can systematically disarm prospects and create the psychological safety necessary for genuine sales conversations. These aren't manipulative techniques but rather communication methods that align with how the human brain naturally processes trust and authority signals.

• Curious Tone— Used to gather information without triggering defensiveness. This tone signals genuine interest rather than sales interrogation. Example: "Oh, walk me through what you have now for X, Y, Z?" The curious tone should sound like you're genuinely interested in understanding their situation, not collecting information to use against them later.

• Confused Tone— Employed when asking for clarification or deeper explanation. This tone encourages prospects to elaborate and open up emotionally. "Hold on. How do you mean by frustration?" The confused tone works because it signals that you don't fully understand and need their help to clarify, which appeals to people's natural desire to be helpful and understood.

• Challenging Tone— Used later in conversations when trust has been established. This tone can create urgency and push prospects toward decisions, but only after rapport exists. "Even if you do understand 100%, I want them to open up emotionally and tell me more about that."

• Concerned Tone— Demonstrates empathy and care for the prospect's situation. This tone builds emotional connection and shows that you're on their side. When combined with confused tone, it becomes particularly powerful for extracting detailed problem descriptions.

• Assumptive Tone— Projects confidence and expertise while guiding conversation flow. This tone suggests that certain outcomes or next steps are natural and expected, reducing decision-making friction.

The key to mastering these tonalities lies in understanding their appropriate contexts and practicing until they sound natural rather than rehearsed. "When you're learning something new, it takes a while. You have to really rehearse it. It's like, you're like a young actor or actress. You go out to Hollywood and your first auditions kind of sound what? Kind of rehearse, kind of fake," Miner notes.

Each tonality serves a specific psychological purpose in the sales process:

• Curious tone opens information flow
• Confused tone deepens emotional revelation
• Challenging tone creates decision pressure
• Concerned tone builds trust and rapport
• Assumptive tone guides toward natural conclusions

Real Examples and Case Studies from the Field

To illustrate how these principles work in practice, Jeremy Miner shares specific scenarios where tonality and question selection dramatically impact sales outcomes. These examples demonstrate the difference between resistance-triggering approaches and disarming techniques.

Door-to-Door Sales Scenario: Traditional approach: "Hi there! Are you the homeowner? Great! How's your day going? Nice to meet you!" Prospect response: "What's this about?" (Guard immediately up)

Disarming approach: Uses curious tone to ask situation-specific questions that demonstrate value rather than sales intent.

Phone Sales Example: Traditional: "Hey John! How's the weather over there today?" Prospect thinks: "Another telemarketer" (Instant categorization)

Improved method: Skip weather talk entirely and use confused tone to ask about specific business challenges mentioned in their online presence or industry reports.

Virtual Sales Meetings: Common mistake: Starting with excessive enthusiasm - "Hey, John, I'm so happy that you're here today!" Prospect reaction: Reminds them of "old slick-backed used car salesperson" stereotype

Better approach: Balanced energy with curious tone focused on understanding their specific situation.

"Have you ever wondered why salespeople selling the same thing to the same prospects, same type of prospects, using the same script, using the same price points, how do those salespeople get completely different results? It's how they say things. It's how they ask questions, the tonality," Miner explains.

The most revealing example comes from analyzing prospects' physiological responses to different tonalities. When salespeople use predictable questions with typical sales enthusiasm, prospects' nervous systems activate stress responses that can be measured through heart rate variability, cortisol levels, and other biological markers. However, when the same questions are asked with appropriate tonality after building initial trust, these stress indicators remain stable or even decrease.

"That's why tone, how you say something. Because I'll ask you this. Have you ever wondered why salespeople selling the same thing to the same prospects, same type of prospects, using the same script, using the same price points, how do those salespeople get completely different results? It's how they say things."

This principle extends beyond individual conversations to entire sales careers. Salespeople who master tonality consistently outperform their peers by factors of 3-5x, not because they have better products or territories, but because they create psychological environments where prospects feel safe to share real problems and consider solutions.

Common Mistakes to Avoid When Implementing These Techniques

• Starting with challenging tone too early- You need to build trust and credibility before you can challenge prospects. Using this tone without established rapport triggers defensive responses.

• Overusing the confused tone - While powerful for getting clarification, constant confusion signals incompetence rather than curiosity. Use strategically when you need deeper information.

• Making tonality sound rehearsed - Like acting, these techniques require practice to sound natural. Prospects can detect artificial tonalities and will respond with increased resistance.

• Ignoring the 70/30 rule - Focusing too heavily on perfect words while neglecting tonality creates disconnect between what you're saying and how you're being received.

• Using predictable questions even with good tonality - Even perfect tonality can't completely overcome the resistance triggered by questions prospects have heard hundreds of times before.

• Failing to match tonality to context - A curious tone works for information gathering, but using it when decision-making pressure is needed will stall the sales process.

• Rushing the disarming process - Sales resistance doesn't disappear instantly. You need to consistently demonstrate value and build trust throughout the conversation to keep prospects' guards down.

FAQs

Q: What is the main benefit of avoiding predictable questions in sales? The primary benefit is preventing sales resistance from forming in the first place. When you avoid predictable questions, prospects' nervous systems remain calm, allowing them to process information rationally rather than defensively. This creates an environment where genuine trust can develop, leading to more open communication, better problem identification, and ultimately higher conversion rates. According to Jeremy Miner, this approach makes "selling way easier" while making "your prospects way happier."

Q: How long does it take to see results from mastering sales tonality? While individual results vary, most salespeople notice immediate improvements in prospect engagement within their first few conversations using proper tonality. However, mastering all five tonality types typically requires 30-90 days of consistent practice and real-world application. Jeremy Miner emphasizes that like acting, these skills need rehearsal to sound natural rather than rehearsed. The investment pays off significantly, as tonality represents 70% of communication effectiveness in sales situations.

Q: What's the biggest mistake people make with sales resistance? The biggest mistake is trying to overcome sales resistance after it's already been triggered, rather than preventing it from occurring. Most salespeople focus on objection handling and closing techniques to combat resistance, when they should be eliminating the root causes that create resistance in the first place. This includes avoiding predictable questions, mastering appropriate tonality, and understanding that prospects buy 100% on emotion. Fighting resistance is much harder than preventing it through proper conversation initiation.

Q: Who is this tonality-based sales approach best suited for? This approach works for any salesperson who interacts directly with prospects, regardless of industry or sales model. It's particularly effective for door-to-door sales, phone sales, virtual meetings, and face-to-face consultations. The techniques are universal because they're based on human psychology and neurological responses that don't vary by product type or market segment. However, salespeople who are willing to practice and refine their tonality skills will see the greatest benefits, as these techniques require conscious development rather than natural talent.

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This article was created from video content by Jeremy Miner. The content has been restructured and optimized for readability while preserving the original insights and voice.